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About the Writer: Bennet Pomerantz is a media review columnist in
175 newspapers with his weekly column AUDIOWORLD. His fiction and
reviews have appeared in the pages of Affaire De Coeur, Gateways, Mystery
Scene, Power Star, The Hot Corner, Washington Entertainment Magazine, and
many others. He is also known for his review appearances on the MCN
Forum. View his web site at
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A Piece of My Mind Ten Things to do Until the Postman Comes Bennet Pomerantz
I don't know about you, but as a writer I live by my mail. That magic Happening that comes once a day with a special load of goodies for me. This may include bills, checks, review copies, magazines I subscribe to (like Entertainment Weekly, Maxium, E-Week), product samples- as well as sales ads and junk mail. Usually it comes at two p.m., when I make a lull in my schedule. This is also called a LUNCH BREAK! However when the winter months are upon us, the mail slows down - I have no idea why. That two p.m. that I set aside goes into three and maybe four p.m. The term snail mail comes to mind. I know I am not the only one, so these are ten things to do until the special postal person arrives Ten-- Organize your idea file You say you don't have an idea file? Well start one! An idea file, for those who don't know, is a simple disk or notebook with ideas for possible other projects. If you start the file in a notebook, you'll also have it filled with post it notes, cocktail napkins, and scraps of paper with great ideas. Organize those future ideas, so you can get more of those Checks in the mail Nine-Reorganize your CD Collection This may not seem very important to you. However when you want great music to inspire you, and all you can find is Sousa march -you are in trouble! Eight-Imagine what has kept your postal person and write it down YES, this is a writing exercise and it works! Some inventive ideas I have come up with are: He was attacked by Killer V.W. bugs Think attack of the Killer Herbies -the next big Disney movie. The mail was delivered when I was not looking and stolen by mail stealing trolls who only want the junk mail. An Ogre (a green one, I am not allowed to say who he is or Dreamworks would want their cut-but you know who! ) thought my carrier's jeep was a pumpkin coach and stole it with all my mail in it! ..and Donkey in the back yelling "Yeah, Donkey is an ASS". Well you get the idea, lets have fun at the Post Office's expense. Seven-Plan a Dinner Party Menu for Literary Characters and their Authors Yes, Another writing exercise, and who said writing can't be fun! You must remember James Bond is on that new "Live and Let Diet!" (It gets worse from here!). For Willie Wonka, a Chocolate souffle, fruit salad with blueberries (sorry violet) and Snazeberries, and fizzy lifting drinks. For Buffalo Bill Cody, side orders of Buffalo Wings with sagebrush sauce. In the Saint's (Simon Templar's) case, Halo Salad with Deviled Ham and Angel Food cake for desert . For Bill Cosby, Jello Salad and Pudding pops. For Dracula, Tomato Soup, Steak tartar, and a bloody mary. For Forest Gump, shrimp creole on rice with a box of chocolates for desert. For Captain Hook, finger food (I know its in bad taste!). For John Steinbeck, Fruit salad with Grapes of Wrath and oysters with The Pearl. Stuart Little should be served a cheese platter. Kermit the frog, The Hulk, and The Grinch together all feasting on Caesar Salad. And the diner special for Huck Finn, Adam and Eve on a Raft. Again, have fun while you are waiting...as you can tell I been waiting a long time! Six- Eat If you haven't had lunch yet, call for carry out! The food may arrive when the mail comes! First law of survival, don't miss a meal! Five-Take a drive (or other escapes) to think up ideas Okay, If you go out of your office - a drive in your car, a walk around the block or a bike ride - you can clear your mind of thoughts of "Where's the Mail?". Also, you know as soon as you leave, the mail will arrive (hopefully!). In addition while you are out, think up ideas of what you are writing when you return. It may seem simple, but it works. Four-Rewrite an Article to resell in another publication I did a small review column on Dracula audio productions in my AUDIOWORLD column. I resold the same article to Strange New Worlds Magazine, with a small rewrite or two. So do a rewrite to see if you can resell yourself for double profits. Three- Avoid the post! See if you can get your snail mail sent D.H.L., Fed Ex, UPS or E-mailed. Get checks direct deposited . . . magazines or newspaper read on line . . . sounds like utopia for a non-mail person. Two-Plan your December Seasonal Holiday Gift for your Postal Person Know the idea of giving that postal worker a bottle of $3.99 wine does not work anymore! Try CASH.... if it was a good writing season for you, drop a few Hamiltons his or her way. They may remember to get your stuff to you first! And remember your Bribe, er, Gift is tax deductible as a business expense. And the Number one thing to do until the postal person comes is: Keep a candle burning in the window. Let your postal person know your light is always burning in your lodging. And Remember, It's one if by vehicle and two if by foot! So next time, Keep your feet on the ground and reach for the stars! **** |
